I don't know what it is, but I've become so scatterbrained lately. I mean, I've never been the most organised person in the world, but in the past couple of weeks it's started to become a problem. Just this week I introduced a friend of mine to another - and got her name wrong.

"Hey! This is Susan, she does Latin with me!"

"... actually, my name is Anna."

Embarrassed? Me? Nah. Awkward turtle swam by and carried me back in time so it neeeever happened.

I also forgot to go to a seminar, and the talk for our year about our dissertations. Which was only a LITTLE important. I'd written both on my calendar, but they just completely slipped my mind on the day.

I think it all started... well, back when Banquet finished. 5 months worth of stress suddenly evaporated, so I didn't think much of it that my brain felt far lighter and emptier than usual. I just expected it to gradually get more substantial and full again.

... it doesn't feel like it has. When I'm stressed, or at least organised, it feels like there's stuff in there, and while it might all be jammed in pretty tight, I can still find everything. But at the moment? It feels like my brain is gone, and my few thoughts are rattling around like marbles in the base of my skull. And I can't really think of or remember anything without quite some effort.

And so we return to the title of this entry. What's happened? Have zombies nommed it away? Has Sylar kindly glued the top of my head back on after snacking on the best bits? Or has Banquet, having attached itself parasitically to practically every important functioning past of my brain, burned them away in its demise? Or just sucked them dry?

OK, going to take a step back from the weird metaphors now. I just don't know why my thought processes feel so flimsy now. Do I NEED stress to function? If I'm trying to fit lots of things into my life, do I at least feel like I know when everything is?

Gah.

On a brighter note, I met John Barrowman.


PS: I was going to write more Sylinder tonight, but... I can't even summon up the thought processes for THAT. My brain is just a blank slate. This is really starting to worry me now. But yeah, apologies for lack of Sylinder updates. There will be more soon, once I figure out WTF is up with my mind.

And this LJ is not just going to turn into a Heroes fanfic/macros fest.

Umm. Well, I'm all recovered from Banquet. Already it feels like it was ages ago. For the past few months it felt like I was climbing this hill towards it, so enclosed in storm clouds that I had no idea what was going to happen or what was past it - but then Banquet itself was the eye of the storm, and awesome. Then there was some turbulence coming out of it, and I felt a bit lost, and not sure what was happening - but now I'm out of it again, and just wandering around in blue skies with my arms outstretched going "Aaaaahhh." There are still essay rainclouds in the distance, but hey, I figure I can deal.

... I'm sorry, I have a thing with walking/weather metaphors.

I went to see Sweeney Todd at last. And it was awesome. Except Johanna was a scary Christina Ricci clone. And afterwards everyone wanted pies.

It's SNOOOWING. And I've been procrastinating all morning. Perhaps the two are connected. I certainly like to think so. Snow is so much easier to blame than myself - no-one can stay mad at snow for long. Well, maybe Eskimos could.

Also! Newly up, the Loinfire Club reads Night Play! http://loinfireclub.blogspot.com/ Gods, that book was rubbish. I mean, teleporting werewolves? Really?

Basically, life is good, so yay.

So... Banquet's over.

It ended up going really really well. The hall looked amazing, thanks to everyone who decorated it while I had to duck out to have lunch with my mum, and the food was great, mead was plentiful, and everyone just seemed to have a really great time. I certainly managed to, which I must admit I hadn't been expecting.

So it was fantastic. I was hit on many times by many people, and had Dave and Dom encouraging me practically all evening to "HIT THAT" in regards to one guy who appeared to like me - I believe Barnas actually went and asked whether he wanted to 'bang me over a table' (Barnas was drunk off his face) and he responded in the affirmative - and generally had my self-esteem boosted several levels.

You may be wondering why I'm not using more exclamation marks to squee. Frankly, right now, I feel pretty rubbish, and while I know it was awesome, I'm not feeling it yet.

I got less that 4 hours sleep on top of some of the wall hangings. I'm not sure exactly how long - all I know is we left the disabled toilet (we all got thirsty at the same time) after 3am. After that we chatted some more, then made up a bed with what fabric we could find. I didn't sleep well, either, because of various noises the hall was making, only having a curtain as a blanket, and being wedged in tightly between Dan and Beccy.

Anyway, at 7am, Tim woke me up so I could start tidying. He hadn't slept at all. He's been awesome throughout organising Banquet. So we put all the chairs back in the other room, wiped milk pudding off the walls, took the hangings down, put the blinds back up, and tried to figure out what to do with 80 empty bottles.

But it was left tidy. So maybe we won't be banned.

So yeah. Tired. Completely exhausted, actually. Not sure of how to handle sudden stress relief, nor the new stress of essays I've still got to do. And nauseous. Let's not forget nauseous. I'd like to think it was exhaustion etc making me feel ill, but let's face it, it was probably the two bottles of mead I drank.

Earlier I was so tired and nauseous I couldn't even go see Sweeney Todd with the others. Even though I wanted to more than anything. Jackie was leaving (she has now, and it's horrible) and this would be my last real chance to hang out with her, and all my friends were going so now no-one else will want to go with me, and it's SWEENEY TODD. I've been waiting for this since it was green-lit. But I could barely stand upright without getting really dizzy and sick. So I had to stay home, and it sucked. Though I fell asleep again pretty quickly, so it didn't bother me that long.

I'm feeling vaguely more human after a few hours sleep. I can sit upright now, at least. I may self-certify illness for the next few days, though - I get the idea it could take a while to get back to normal. Mum warned me that without Banquet to worry about and without Jackie, next week is probably going to suck for me. She advised I get plenty of chocolate in the house.

So, great. Something else to look forward to.

Oh joy! This entry is swinging towards emo. RUUUUUN.

Soooo Banquet is tomorrow. TOMORROW.

ALANGIWWIWJHFASIK.

For those who are only just joining us, I have been organising this medieval banquet since late September. I have been stressing and panicking over it for about the same length of time, if not longer. Basically, I must organise a proper medieval banquet for about 100 people - a GOOD one, on pain of... well, pain. Finding a venue to accommodate us that hadn't already kicked us out and banned us for life was WACKY fun.

Today I have to meet the delivery of 12 more bottles of mead (ETA: have arrived) and the six-burner oven, which is URGENTLEIKWOAH. If I don't receive the delivery of it, we won't have anything to COOK ON. And I will have to run to Tescos and buy up all their hot deli selection. And running down the road with armfuls of roast chickens is not my idea of a stress-free Saturday.

Problem with the oven is that I don't know when it's arriving. They were alarmingly vague about that. Even worse, if it arrives before 11:30am, then I am utterly screwed, because even if I was at the hall to receive it, no-one else would be, so I couldn't put it anywhere. If it arrives after that and I'm not there, I think I can trust the owner to phone me straight away. He's a nice guy.

But still. Frettage.

I also have to get world of cordials from Tescos. I planned to do that on Saturday. Which is suddenly seeming leaving it recklessly late.

I'm worried I've forgotten something insanely obvious, so insanely obvious no-one's checked whether I've got it or not, they just assume I have. And on the day, they'll be like, "Oh Katie, where's the [insert insanely obvious object here]?" and I'll be like ".... WHAT?" And then throughout the Banquet, people will be coming up saying, "It's a good Banquet, Katie, but where's the [insert insanely obvious object here]?" and I'll be like "I didn't know we needed one!!" and they'll be like "... but it's so insanely obvious" and I will cry. PMS will not help.

I'm not actually visually stressed. On the outside, I appear quite calm. And I'm not freaking out internally either. I'm just... constantly thinking about what could go wrong. It's not really bothering me, it's just always there.

At least it'll all be over tomorrow. Then I just have to worry about maybe being Treasurer. Because it looks like I might be nominated, by Barnas, who reeeally doesn't want to do it. SURPRISE! My mum's going to kill me.

It also doesn't help that it's really cold and windy and one of my damn windows keeps blowing open and I can't close it without going outside because I'm too damn short-

WHOA. A gust of wind just blew it shut. .... OK. That was freakily convenient.

Just trying something. DAMN, it would be so much more CONVENIENT if Zachary Quinto were to turn up now...

.....

..... damn.

Seriously, it's windy as hell over here. Somewhere around the world a butterfly is having some kind of spasm.

( Heath Ledger. I'll stop soon, I promise. )

And finally, I read this article about the 5 creepiest bugs in the world. Did you know there are wasps the size of your thumb? Who squirt burning acid in your EYES? Or that there are similar sized ants, who can SCREAM? Or that killer bees were created through genetic modification, and can chase you for half a mile? Or that army ants can overwhelm and eat a HORSE? OR THAT THERE ARE FLIES WHO LAY LARVAE INSIDE YOUR SKIN AND IT EATS ITS WAY THROUGH YOU AND IT CAN EAT INTO YOUR BRAIN!?!?!?

OK, now I'm actually going to have to post the article. I got it off squeegee_burble, who is awesome and cracktastic.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

WTF SCREAMING ANTS. WHY, WHY WOULD THEY EVOLVE LIKE THAT.

I will be writing more Sylinder later this evening, once I've done LOLwork. No crack till my essays are done. Shambles the Kitten glares at me if I disobey.

(Shambles is a toy kitten I bought for TT last night, and now get to keep. It's tiny and ginger and adorable. I did toy with calling it Mylar, Sendhil, Sylar, Lyle or even Mr Muggles, but in the end I settled on Shambles, because since I used it as a dog's name in a story I've wanted to use it as a name in real life too. Anyway, I've decided it's the visible personification of the Work Side of my brain, and when I look at it it reminds me to work. Aaand so this pointless aside comes to a close.)

Life continues as usual. OMG work, OMFG Banquet, OMGWTF muesli. But I'm actually really enjoying this whole healthy-living thing - there's a certain satisfaction in it. Plus, the wholemeal tagliatelle from Sainsbury's is NICE. No chips after TT on Monday kinda sucks, but I'll deal with it.

Just a few little things I wanted to record:

1. On the Heroes imdb page, the plot keywords are 'Blood Splatter / Depression / Super Powers / Cheerleader / Gun Shot.' This, to me, is hilarious.

2. The other day I was having a really geeky conversation - figuring out ways to get Star Trek terms into TT - then summoned all my dignity and said "I'm leaving this conversation before I embarrass myself any further!" Then walked into a door. Cue laughter track. I mean, seriously, my life is a sitcom. My friend Sophie said, "Stuff like that JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN in real life!!"

3. Tennant-lecturer today told me I was a 'sunny character'. He said it in tones of slight astonishment, too. I think it was because, despite having walked all the way down to the Classics department to be told my essay was missing and I'd have to re-send it, I was still beaming and ending all my sentences in exclamation marks. But it was nice to hear, because I thought he hated me and thought I was stupid. Who knew? Anyway. So I'm a sunny character. I guess that's nice.

4. LECTURE GUY CUT HIS HAIR. THIS IS SUCH A HORRIFIC SHOCKING DAY. OK, little explanation needed. There's a guy in a few of my lectures who always seems to end up sitting in front or to the side of me. And he has the most AWESOME hair - kind of like Mystery Sock's, only his head is smaller, so it's that much more noticeable.

Or rather, he USED to have awesome hair, BUT NOW HE'S CUT IT OFF! He has a boring haircut now! I was so upset.

Aaand I've finished eating my healthy healthy dinner now (actually, it was soup with a sandwich, so not really all that healthy at all) so I have no real excuse not to work. Boooo.

I have of late seen both Enchanted and Hairspray, and now have an inordinate amount of love for James Marsden.

I have also had Frankie round, and had her suddenly develop norovirus before our eyes. We got her home quickly (she only had time to throw up three times) but are slightly paranoid health-wise for the next 12 hours.

Jackie's still here, and is still awesome. The other day we went up to London, where we went on the London Eye, to Chinatown and Covent Garden, and also went to see the Lion King, the Woman in Black (I screamed twice...) and, um, the Star Wars Exhibition. Where we went to see a live demonstration called 'Jedi School'. Where they asked for volunteers. Where I volunteered. And ended up being taught lightsaber skills with five six-year-old boys half my height, and got to fight Darth Vader.

Apparently my childhood aim to be all grown-up by the time I was nine years old hasn't quite worked out.

Tomorrow I stay home, try to finish my essay, try not to develop norovirus, and enjoy the litte ball of Banquet panic currently squirming away in my stomach.