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OH NO I'M LATE WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH REPETITIVE TACKLING AND COMMENTATOR INNUENDO I MIGHT HAVE MISSED

At least this slanket is highly warm and comfortable. My shiver-threshold has dropped considerably recently.

I should also admit that one of the reasons I'm not paying proper attention is because I'm talking to Jackie about some of my, ahem, activities at the weekend. I say no more.

I could probably say more if I had any idea what the commentators are talking about when they say 'first down' and suchlike. Is it the first time someone gets tackled? Or something? But there seem to be too many of them for that. Errr. I don't know what else it could be, though. First time someone does something so awesome they want to get down and party? Nope, again, too many of them. I DON'T KNOW, WHY DO I REBLOG SPORTS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, HOW HAS THIS BECOME A THING I DO. WHAT IS MY LIFE.

Meanwhile: my Tumblr dash is covered in the Avengers, and this is an excellent state of affairs.

I have only just noticed how one of my commentators who they keep cutting back to is actually reeeeally quite good-looking. And that's just my British stoic way of saying DAAAAANG. How have I just noticed? Was I that sleepy before passing out for that second? DOES THIS SLANKET ALLOW ME TO SEE HOTNESS MORE CLEARLY?

Running running tackling tackling rolling rolling asses to the camera. OK, so this might be a bit more exciting than English football, I'll allow that, but seriously, America - RUGBY. No armour, no stopping and starting, no tight-ass pants, just rugged men and shorts and yelling and mud and no teeth. IT'S JUST BETTER.

Yet more out of bounds. Seriously, games committee - BEAR MOAT. Get on it.

Oh fuck, another injured dude? Lots of whistling? WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE.

I HAVE RECEIVED A COMMISSION. AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE I SHALL BE LIVEBLOGGING CRICKET. DEAR GOD HELP US ALL.

They're lining up, they're running, they're running a lot and tackling each other too... more of the same, in fact. I've started to imagine that the teams are actually trying to work together for the same goal, but fighting the urge to grab each other and hug throughout the game. It makes it all the more endearing. Like, they're REALLY TRYING to get the ball to the endzone, but then one of them just can't take it and just HAS TO TACKLE HUG the guy with the ball.

Oh no! An incomplete! What's an incomplete? WHO KNOWS? (other than all of America)

How the hell did they call all these really precise rules before they had freeze-frame and slo-mo replay? Actually, how did they keep this game entertaining without the slo-mo replays of people being tackled in mid-air and bouncing dramatically?

This quarter is lasting forever. I can't even remember who's winning right now. The commentators have just announced that Eli Manning is the coolest person in the whole wide world right now. ienablu, your hatesex idea just got a bit more heated.

People are looking very serious, I think I missed something important again. Oh! They're at the end zone! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA tumblepile! Was that a touchdown? I thought it wasn't - but they have a minute to get one? Tom Brady's still looking reeeeally pissed. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. WHO'S EVEN WINNING. WHAT PLANET AM I ON. WHY DOES MY SLANKET MAKE PEOPLE MORE ATTRACTIVE TO MY EYES.

Oh, this is all very dramatic. BRADY IS BACK ON THE PITCH. THERE ARE 57 SECONDS LEFT. THE GAME MAY OR MAY NOT BE STAKE, I DON'T KNOW THE RULES, OR EVEN WHO'S WINNING. But nevertheless - DRAMA. That throw went very badly wrong! Running and tackling and THIS IS ACTUALLY QUITE TENSE. OR MAYBE I'M JUST EXCITED TO BE GOING TO BED.

Running! Throwing! CRASHING INTO A DUDE OFF THE SIDE OF THE PITCH! (BEAR MOAT.) SEVENTEEN SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK.

Whoooooa incomplete right at the end zone. Replay second down! Good call! Whatever that is! NINE SECONDS LEFT! HAIL MARYS HAVE BEEN MENTIONED! They are so desperate for the last minute ass-pull dramatic touchdown, buuuut despite all evidence to the contrary, life is NOT a movie, it's probably just going to be disappointing.

AW MAN IF THAT HADN'T BEEN AN INCOMPLETE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A FREAKING AWESOME ENDING. It's official, life ain't a movie. Which is actually quite promising. I'd probably only be a side character if it was.

Soooo THE GIANTS WON! WOOO! I SUPPORTED THEM VAGUELY! Sympathy to Tom Brady for not getting his dramatic ending though. The movie of his life just won't have that awesome climax any more.

I am going to leave them to their happy celebrations and go to sleep. Ladies, gentlemen, it has been a pleasure. GOOD NIGHT, from me and my Slanket of Increased Perceivable Attractiveness. We hope you enjoyed the terrine.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
ienablu
Feb. 6th, 2012 03:15 am (UTC)
your hatesex idea just got a bit more heated.
And Manning just got labeled MVP, oh god, their hatesex is going to be the greatest.

The movie of his life just won't have that awesome climax any more.
At least his porn with Manning will. /shamelessly terrible pun

(And oh god, there was this platinum football statue, and some elderly guy was carrying it through a crowd of the Giants, who were all touching it and kissing it reverently and it was ridiculous and wonderful.)
aurilly
Feb. 6th, 2012 03:22 am (UTC)
Aw, I was really hoping you would be watching the incredibly homoerotic bit with the old man carrying the statue down the field and all the guys kissing it.

Lovely recaps, dear! Please do the Olympics when they happen. :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )